Three Random Murmurs

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem ~

I seldom write about my personal life in this blog. Today's post is just a random event and thoughts that keep lingering in my head. Sometimes I find that it is healthy to vomit everything you feel on a single paper. It's okay to put on written words rather than conversing with others. It soothe my over-saturated brain.

1. Oil plunge

I worked in O&G sector. In the state of current market, I am anxiously keeping track of the oil price everyday. Economic turmoil - or whatever they call it. There had been 2 years in a row without salary increment. And this has been bugging me a lot lately. Well, actually it's a blessing in disguise for the mass. The industry should adapt to a new system where cheap oil at cheap cost in the future. At least that's what I have been thinking.

2. Invitations

Wedding invitations has continued to flow in. My close friends are gradually settling down with their respective spouses. I truly congratulate them for their marriage. I was genuinely happy. I got another wedding card today, from a guy. There was a quite interesting story about this guy. I knew him from a professional networking site and we changed each other's cellphone number. I thought it's just for the sake of getting better job opportunities (at least for me), but apparently for him, it was not.

The moment he got my number, he called me. I did not pick up. I do not entertain a stranger's call. Most importantly, I have no idea on what sort of conversation will came up afterwards. We end up chatting on Whatsapp instead. We discussed mostly on work-related matters. Only boring and serious matters were on the plate. Well, I thought I had just portrayed myself as a cold person hence he will stop texting me. Guess what, he was persistent. He kept texting even though it's just a mere "Hi". Or this...

Guy: "I am in KL. Just touch down from Labuan. I'm thinking of you."

Me: "...."

Guy: "Let's meet up."

Me: "I'm sorry, I don't hang out with strangers."

I never went 'doki doki' to him ever since my first encounter. Which I can conclude that I have no special feeling towards him. He keep sending me messages; during Hari Raya and other festive season. I copied whatever people forwarded during that time, and send back to him. Guess the cold shoulder treatment worked, he stop texting me. This lasted for half and a year.

Unexpectedly, I got a text from this guy this morning. It was an invitation to his wedding. Glad he'd found his bride. I'm sorry. I don't know why, I feel bad for turning down people even though it's not a crime. 

3. Changing job

It has been almost 4 years I've worked in the same company after graduating from uni. I need some new challenge to work on yet I was so petrified to move on. I am in need of new experience. But the current situation doesn't light so much hope to fulfill my wishes. Oil price is tumbling down every single day. I adored my current workplace due to its flexibility. On top of that, I'll be missing some good friends here. All of them were good people even though you can't avoid a little flaw here and there.

Negative Mentality

Bismillahhirrahmanirraheem.

Sometimes, the feeling of wanting to turn back time is killing me, a lot. Adulthood is a time where you starts decorating your own life with your own whim, and the thought of living like a hikikomori is nearly impossible. Yet, you have to mingle around with a variety of individuals.

I, do have the affinity (even not that strong) to be affected by negatively emotional people around. Even though it seems that I don't care with what were they thinking, but bit by bit, I did. I'm so stressed out. I've list'em below, and I am truly unhappy with these.

1) I got brainy ideas, why don't they just shut up and take my advice?

Yes, I really do respect you for your ideas. It's hard to admit, but most of your ideas are amazing. But if you keep whining and whining and whining every single day, please pack your stuffs up, go back home. You're doing it wrong. Do it the correct way, you brainy fella!

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The Work

At first, I preferred of getting myself a job in Penang. I missed Penang so much and so the people that lived inside. Nevertheless, the place is small and surrounded by water feature. Reminiscing the good ol' days in university with friends made me realized that something had missing in my life - the fun. I missed my friends and my spring of youth so much!

After all, working life is not so bad. You have the money. You have the mobility to go everywhere you wish since now can afford your own transportation. But uh-huh, you don't really have the time to pamper yourself at home. Inhaling the morning breeze...lazying around watching your favorite show...sticking at the mirror finding imperfections on your face - only on weekends. Weekdays? Forget it.


Working around men


Women who are working in a technical department can be called as goddess or princess of awesomeness - since there is not much of them around. Mathematically, my department itself consists only three women (including myself) out of 20++ of other staffs - which all of them are male.

So inspired for an onsite job. Source.

While looking at myself that as shy as Hinata, I asked myself - can I do this? I was freaking nervous at first, and shy also. I don't even have the courage to look in their eyes more than 5 seconds while conversing. But after a couple of months, I think I have get used of it. No longer feeling 'eerie' when talking to them. Yeay!

Things being so hectic in this few weeks since a colleague went for an offshore job and won't be coming back until end of this month. Plus, my workmate also have to work on night-shift basis because of the on-going 24 hours crude oil distillation. Leaving me alone in the lab, staring at the chromatograms all day long. Huu.

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A Year Of Hell Is Over [Plus: Perangai Siswa-Siswi Kita]

Dua tiga hari kebelakangan ni, panasnya lain macam betul. Malam susah nak tidur. Sekejap tergolek ke kanan, sekejap tergolek kiri. Esoknya, mata bengkak. Tidur tak berkualiti.

Dalam menempuh kenaikan suhu yang mendadak ni, macam-macam perkara yang terlintas di fikiran saya. Dunia sudah semakin tua. Reostat bumi dah tak berfungsi dengan baik. Barang lama kan? Tunggu sikit masa lagi, kita semua akan dikumpul dan berkumpul. Berkumpul di suatu padang yang suhunya berkali-kali ganda lebih tinggi berbanding suhu dunia sekarang.

Dan disebalik cuaca panas ni, saya telah selesai membentangkan projek tahun akhir semalam. Atau nama glamornya, viva (seminar projek tahun akhir). Perasaannya cukup enjoy, panel pun baik dan okey. Hanya saya seorang siswi muslimah yang berada di dalam kumpulan seminar tersebut. Yang lain semuanya berbangsa Tionghua.

Debaran itu biasa. Perlu diatasi dengan segera. Saya adalah pembentang pertama untuk sesi petang. Mahu tidak mahu, perasaan insecure dan takut-takut harus disembunyi. Saya tidak suka menunjukkan kelemahan diri di hadapan orang lain. Jadi, saya menayang muka cool sepanjang masa. Walaupun dalam hati, masyaAllah. Dia saja yang tahu betapa berkecamuknya saya di dalam hati. Sendiri berperang melawan rasa takut.

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Kembara 23 Tahun Di Bumi Tuhan

Saya agak terkejut sebenarnya kerana hari ulangtahun kelahiran saya pada tahun ini jatuh pada hari yang sama ketika saya dilahirkan 23 tahun yang lalu. Iaitu hari Jumaat. Sekali lagi saya terkejut apabila, waktu masuknya solat subuh pada hari ini ialah pada pukul 5.55 pagi, iaitu sama dengan waktu kelahiran saya.

Kata mama, sebaik sahaja saya keluar dari rahim beliau, kebetulan azan subuh berkumandang. Subhanallah. Rasa kagum tidak terucap. Waktu subuh waktu yang paling nyaman dan indah.

Terima kasih kepada semua yang mengucapkan selamat kepada saya. Cukup terharu. Orang pertama pada tahun ini ialah adik saya, Bibi. Terima kasih adikku sayang.

Kemudian disusuli oleh abang, Fakrul dan adik serta rakan-rakan di Facebook mahupun sahabat trio kimia saya, Ida dan Fara.

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How To Control Your Anger

Salam alayk. I'm running out of idea on posting new entries lately. A lot of stuff needs to be settled off. You know, being a final semester's student is not easy. Yes for you, but not for me. Maybe.

I don't know why, but I felt so irritated with a few people. Feeling want to scream and yell straight away, but nope. I'm not that kind of person.

Maybe I'm too soft-hearted. They don't even have that kind of respect. At least, be sensitive to others. Your insensitivity to others may lead other people feel jerky to you. You got that? Jerky. I'm sorry for using nasty word here.

But still, after giving them a few hints on how I hate the way they acting, they just still don't get it. Arggghh. O Lord, please tell them. Unfortunately, I'm don't have the nerve to scold them off. I can't let my anger on people or I'll end up blaming myself later on.

I've done this once - and it's only through emails, not even a face-to-face, heart-to-heart conversation. I scolded him (oppss. it's a 'him'. kantoi.) for this, this and that. A problem happened, and I'm raging out (actually silently, deep inside) on that day. Walking back from school with full anger and sit back writing a scariest email I ever wrote to a person.

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Si Penikam Dan Yang Tertikam

Pernah rasa kena tikam?
Atau ditikam?
Atau tertikam?

Hari yang agak sedih
Dan agak mengejutkan bila orang yang kita percaya
Orang yang kita hormat dan sanjung
Cakap benda buruk tentang kita di belakang.

Kalau benda betul tak apa
Ini dah masuk benda serius
Tak betul boleh membawa fitnah
Fitnah itu dosa besar, tahu?

Kalau tak suka, sila beritahu
Supaya orang tahu.



Semoga Allah mengampuni dosa kalian. Amiin.


P/s: masih berbaki 55 hari sebelum menamatkan zaman universiti. Semoga hari yang berlalu bertambah baik, mudah dan tenang. Bahang pulau mutiara yang tak bersinar ini semakin kuat. Mohon beri kekuatan Ya Allah.

Hati, Benak, Empunya Dan Yang Maha Satu

Jangan dilafaz kata rindu selagi belum berhak
Jangan dilontar kata cinta selagi belum bersedia
Jangan dititip kata janji selagi belum yakin

Tatkala rindu datang mengetuk hati
Hati bergegar dalam gundah

Hati ingin berkata
Namun kata tidak rela diluahkan

Benak ingin meluahkan
Namun luahan tidak rela disuratkan

Lalu
Benak dan hati bersatu
Memupuk rasa yang satu
Membujuk jiwa celaru

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12 Fakta Zaman Kanak-kanak Saya

Basikal pertama yang ayah beli untuk saya sebijik macam ni. Hehe.

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[Video] Bunga-Bunga Cinta

Tak pernah terlintas di benakku

Saat pertama kita bertemu

Sesuatu yang indah tumbuh dalam gundah

Harum dan merekah

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Saat Rapuhnya Seorang Khadijah

Assalamualaikum. Saya doakan semua yang sedang membaca blog saya ni ceria-ceria, diberikan kesihatan dan nikmat yang berpanjangan. InsyaAllah.

Oh, tajuk di atas sama sekali tak berkaitan dengan Ummul Mukminin, Saiyidatina Khadijah. Ini adalah berkaitan dengan saya.

Bila kawan-kawan tengok, saya ni macam okey dan bebas dari masalah. Tapi dalam hati...masyaAllah...Tuhan saja yang tahu.

Resah gelisah, tak keruan, serabut, dan macam-macam lagi. Itulah yang melanda 2-3 hari ni. Itu tandanya deadline assignment, tesis dan test yang semakin menghampiri dan menghantui dari belakang. Sampai nak tidur pun tak lena. Mau pekena 1-2 jam baru dapat nyenyak. Huuu.

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Mom & Dad, I Wanna Get Married

Actually in these couple of weeks, I've give it some thought.
I'm turning 23 this year. Yes, 23. It's a big number.
And the next - would be 24, 25, 26 and bla bla bla...

It's not that I'm totally into it.
Preparing, but not fully.
Surely but slowly. The clock's ticking.
Someday, I have to get married.
But anyhow, getting married is not an easy task.
People would rather say, "You have no money, no achievement, no job. Why bother to get married now?"
No, it's not the key point. The key is, how would you prepare yourself.

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Dunia...Dunia...

Bulan Januari. Jadual saya sudah padat dengan pelbagai aktiviti kampus. Oppss. Bukan aktiviti kampus. Aktiviti menyelesaikan saki-baki perkara yang perlu dilakukan di semester akhir ini. Tesis, projek tahun akhir (FYP) dan segala bagai. Sampai rasa dah tak termuat untuk di save semuanya dalam otak.

Termenung...

Niat dihati pada asalnya, saya ingin bekerja part-time. Almaklumlah, 14 unit je. Tolak FYP, jadilah 11 unit. Sepatutnya memang free dan boleh goyang kaki dengan senang hati. Tapi itulah, kita hanya merancang, Allah yang merancang terlebih dahulu lebih mengetahui, apa yang terbaik untuk saya lakukan untuk menghabiskan sisa-sisa hidup di bumi Minden tercinta ini.

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